Comments From The Stone Age

Getting old. It’s a source of anxiety for many of us. How to grow old gracefully. How to stay young and energetic. How to avoid the whole mess altogether!
Hoping to provide some perspective, Bumbastories surrepticiously – and very sneakily we might add – recorded some off-the-cuff comments made by some of our oldest senior citizens. Actually these old fellas are not officially American citizens. Perhaps they qualify for a Republican amnesty program. After all, they aren’t Mexican. They ought to be declared U.S.citizens. These seniors (they’re over 65 – that’s millenia, actually 65 thousand millenia) have been residents of Montana and Utah for a very long time. And they’re job creators.

That’s right, young fella. I’m old. And let me tell ya. My bones ache, my arthritis is always kicking up. And talk about constipation. I haven’t had a good BM in seventy-five million years! And…..
Enough about your constipation. I’ve been listening to those gastro-intestinal lamentations of yours since Hector was a pup.
What about my teeth? Look at ’em. You think it’s fun gumming alligators? I’ve been looking for an honest dentist for a hundred million years….
Dentists! What about eye doctors?  I’ve been waiting for an eyeball replacement surgery since I can’t remember when. And that’s another problem! My memory. Wait. What was I talking about?
Yatta, yatta, yatta. All you guys ever do is complain. Look at me! You think my back doesn’t hurt from bending down like this all the time? Not to mention lying around like a fossil for a hundred million years. And you think anyone visited me all that time? Nobody. Nada. So don’t tell me about arthritis. Like I was saying….
Enough already. I can already see how much wisdom you “seniors” have acquired. Let’s talk about something else. Did you hear the one about the rabbi the priest and the Presbyterian minister? Well, a rabbi a priest and a Presbyterian minister walk into a bar…..

6 thoughts on “Comments From The Stone Age

  1. Haha, that’s awesome. I don’t know why I love your posts with statues and fossils so much, but I really do!

  2. No, TV did not lie. These fossils are definitely energy producing job creators, which is confirmed by the fact that they haven’t paid taxes in seventy million years.

  3. And, another point in favor of that Rebublican amnesty–as I understand it (which is not all that well if I’m honest), fossils play some part in the production of fossil fuels. Unless TV lied to me. Again.

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